Virgo New Moon

I have not posted in so long. Life and different projects have gotten in the way. The other day, I was doing some research for a client on managing distraction. One of the suggestions is to replace consumption with production. As a society, we tend to view consumption as this badge of honor. I started thinking about how success is not consumption but production. I, myself, and so many individuals I’ve worked with in therapy will come in having researched every article, video, book, on a topic that they are struggling with. Often, this causes them to feel like they know everything about the how/why of a struggle, and they often do; however, they see no change because all they have done is consumed. In order for there to be success, you have to no what to do with the material you’ve consumed. I see this so often as a therapist. I also connected it to the creation of art and writing. I’ve written, on here, and many other places about similarities in being a therapist and a writer. I started thinking about my journey with writing. For years, I produced pieces of writing. In my undergraduate program the professor once asked me while workshopping a piece, ‘ Where do you plug yourself in?’ The reality was I producing. I had my opportunity to go to get my doctorate in writing and went a different route. In retrospect, I think intuitively I knew that eventually (as in the case with most art or artists) what I was producing would have become a product (or would be required to be if that was going to be more career). Also, at some point, most artists have a desire to share their work. I chose not to go the route of becoming a professor of writing or a professional writer and became a therapist; however, I never stopped producing writing. For years, the individuals who I shared my work with encouraged me to put it out there and share it with the world. I would typically just shrug and say, ‘ I write for myself.’ It was true. I was writing because I loved the freedom of it, the expression; it was was my way of getting away from everything and just tuning into the world around me. The art of just bringing a poem into the world was the best feeling. It still is. I did not care if anyone saw it or how they felt about it. It truly was about the art and process of creating something. I did this for years and one year I decided to begin to share some poems on here. I never took it too seriously. I figured if one person read something I wrote and enjoyed the experience, it was a win. If nobody did, it still was a win. There’s the saying that states, ‘If you hear something repeatedly, listen, as you’re probably meant to hear it.’ The thing I have been told since I was little until now was that I was going to do something that was going to make me standout in the world. This is kind of an uncomfortable thing for me because I can’t think of anything more uncomfortable. The other thing is, ‘ you’re going to write a great book.’ I was told this before I ever even contemplated the idea of myself as a writer. My love has always been for poetry. When applying for my MFA, I had the choice of fiction or poetry, and I chose poetry. I just adore poems. Over the last few years, this idea of ‘ you’re going to write a great book,’ just kept being fed to me. I decided, for some reason, that this book was not of poetry and began to try to make myself write a non-fiction book. The thing is, as production meets the desire to make a product, my creative process got hijacked in the need to make something for consumption. I started to dread writing. I still wanted to write poems, and I’d feel guilty writing poems when I could’ve been spending my time working on this book. I was paralyzed by the need to create something for consumption. When writing the book, I felt like I couldn’t feel my spirit in it, the way I can when writing a poem. This could be because it’s a non-fiction book, which is not what I’m used to, and it also probably has a lot to do with writing something for consumption versus producing something for the joy of it. As I was contemplating this the other day, I was so proud of myself because I felt, for years, I listened to my intuition. There was an inner-knowing inside myself that knew all those years when people would encourage me to put my work out there, that writing for me was not about consumption. I think a part of me new that making it about that could take away the joy, the freedom, the creative pleasure I get from just creating something. I think back to being a therapist in a program that I used to work for, where we took soldiers to a local art museum. Many of the soldiers in the program (and myself at first) would say, “I’m just terrible at art,’ and not want to try it; however, after a few weeks when you walked into the studio, everyone was smiling and engaged. The joy of just throwing different colors on the canvas and seeing how they dripped down and combined was enough. I saw this repeated over and over, group after group. I see it in myself and in my patients when a new thing is suggested. There’s often this hesitation to go there because the mindset in society is that the goal is ‘ for everything to be consumed.’ The reality is that there is a great amount of joy to be found in the process of creating. We live in a society that makes us feel like every second of the day should be about producing something for consumption. In that, we feel like our time is too valuable to be wasted by creating something that is not going to get us likes or make us money. The reality is our time is too valuable to be spent only engaging in things in a capitalistic fashion. There are just some things money can’t buy and time spent expressing yourself creatively, however you choose to do that, is one of them. Over the course of the pandemic, I was living alone. I have always been interested in astronomy and astrology. I dove into it. I learned everything I could. I still am absorbing information about it. It is another area that I choose to study and engage in because I love it. As they typically do, my worlds collided again. I loved what I was reading and studying so much about the stars and the planets that I decided to write a series of poems about them. That was a few years ago now. One of the things I will always remember about that time in my life was how happy I was. I know many others had different experiences; however, during that time in my life, I was completely isolated. I depended on my creativity. During what could have been a very lonely time, my creativity (as it has many times) saved me. Tonight there is a new moon in Virgo. Virgo season is and always has been my favorite time of the year. It makes sense because in my natal astrological chart, I have a stellium of planets in Virgo. I drove home today and I was reminded that I wrote a poem about my love for Virgo season (there’s actually several). What I did not know is that I wrote one on the new moon in Virgo that year and titled it ‘ New Moon in Virgo.” I have not posted in so long, but something drew me to my files of poems that I’ve written (there’s also chests of printed poems from throughout the years) in my storage closet to find this poem about the new moon in Virgo. I think the coincidence that it was actually titled that, and I wrote it on a new moon in Virgo several years ago, made me think I had to do something with it. New moons are good times to set intentions. Virgo, a sign ruled by Mercury, is an earth sign that is known for being loyal, analytical, hardworking. Virgo also is not a sign that is known for liking taking the spotlight. Virgo is a sign that would like coming home every day and reading for pleasure. Virgo also is a sign that would write and produce every day meticulously and not be focused on consumption but more on the creation of thoughts and ideas. It’s one of my intentions with this new moon to focus more on replacing consumption with productivity. I get so much more joy out of creating a poem than coming home and surfing the internet. It’s a reminder to me of how much joy I get from learning new things without expectation except the joy of doing it. This new moon reminds me of how happy I was when I wrote the poem below, in a time when I had to really lean into trying new things for the sake of the process. If someone reads this, it’s my wish that you take a minute, unplug, and do something just for pure delight of experiencing it without any expectations. It’s amazing how much fun mixing paint or words or ingredients can be with no expectation except the sheer joy of being present for the journey.

Virgo New Moon

I send my intentions to thee; float out of my orbit

Into the crisp, autumnal afternoon. Become a satellite

Orbiting from above, looking down. See the great silence

Connecting the skies to our bodies, our breaths.

Absorb the magnificence of this feeling. Sponge it in,

Then drench me as if I were parched earth with such needed peace.

Watch as I lay down in the dirt and an earth goddess shovels

Ground upon me, with strong intention of allowing me

To root and grow up strong, full of sustenance to feed the hungry.

I have such a hard time committing to being human.

The hum-drum of schedules and meetings, bills and deadlines,

Companionship and loneliness. Allow me to take on life,

Japanese pilot style, high on methamphetamines, going in

For the blitz. I know it is in my nature to want to drift.

I lose grasp of gravity quickly and if someone is not near by,

The helium of my nature has me floating towards the stars.

I envy the ones who have patience to bake their bread,

Use a Sunday to have coffee and walk their dog,

Bring the main course to the work potluck. I cannot

Bake anything without feeling like I should be doing something else.

My Sundays are a race to complete the minimal amount of stuff

I’ve been shoving in the closet all week, and my potluck dish

Is never signed up for on a sign up sheet. It’s an “Oh shit,” purchase

Made on the way to work the morning of the potluck.

I am not sure half of the time if I take the form of a dream more

Or if I am dreaming of becoming form.

It’s a constant battle in my mind. Oh, Virgo,

It’s your constellation that dominates my favorite days

Of the year. You are pregnant with planets in my natal chart.

You’re celestial body full of whispers to my DNA.

You are the reason I am always saying, “Do better.”

“Be more human.” Many of my struggles come from 

The planetary aspects I was given in your very sign.

They unlock potential and open portals of vulnerability and tenderness.

I send the intention out tonight to claim my color,

The way earth does in early fall. It is so difficult to stay grounded.

When I dance I become the music so easily.

Sometimes, sweet Virgo, it’d be nice to stay on the dance floor,

Enjoying every inch of choreography, feeling the safety and security

Of every inch of my partner’s body; skin, eyes, smile,

Absorbing the details of the exact moment,

Grounded and watered by the sweet details

You whisper in my ear as if it were a striped conch shell.